Straight from Kyrie O’Connor’s article in my hometown’s newspaper, The Facts, I give you her top 10 tips for living in Texas.
“Dear national media:
Welcome back to Texas! We almost missed you the past couple of years. But you seem to have suffered amnesia. In eight years in Crawford, did you learn nothing, or did you just forget? Yesterday, I heard a national TV guy say “Plano” as if it rhymed with “guano.” Another national guy called our governor “too big for his britches”‘ and expressed irritation with men who wear boots and formal wear. The cliche-fest has begun.
I’ve been in Texas about eight years now, and I’ve learned a few things. So let me help you out.
- Lose the folksy talk. You don’t do it well.
- Yes, they really do wear the hats and boots. Not all the time and not ironically. Deal with it.
- Learn to pronounce: Boerne, Pedernales, San Jacinto, Bexas, Mexia, Palacious. Also, Houston and Dallas are not the same. You’re one or the other.
- Underestimate an A&M grad at your peril.
- If you spend any time on our highways, you will see a vehicle with a bumper sticker that says “Secede.” Shocking, I know. But some Texans think of secession they way you think of a three-way: interesting idea, but it probably won’t happen in this lifetime.
- There are people in Texas who don’t play any of your stereotypes. They are also Texans.
- There are people who play into all your stereotypes.
- Yes, the state flag is absolutely everywhere. You have to admit it’s pretty cool.
- We may not have much in the way of state services, but we have really huge houses. You’d trade.
- The Texas pride thing? Yes, it’s for real.”