Currently

It’s been a month since I last blogged and I have a reason for that.  My summer scheduled picked up more than I anticipated it would.  Between babysitting, interviewing for jobs, cooking, hanging out with family, crossfit, and trying to stay connected with friends, I have very little free time to spare.  I’ve also been clinging so tightly to any semblance of plan for my life that I have missed God’s greater intention for me.

This period of waiting for a full time job has been one of the most trying and difficult times I have experienced.  I am a planner by nature, so not having a plan is rather unlikable and uncomfortable for me.  The ups and downs of excitement, rejection, and prospective jobs leaves me more anxious than ever.  This emotional overload hasn’t helped with my recent set back with reaching my goal weight.  The feelings of defeat and failure that comes from gaining weight or being turned down for a job at times have felt unbearable.  Rather than reach out for support, I tried to take care of everything all by myself.

God says “lean on me.”  I say “let me do it.”

God says “I have a plan.”  I say “I’m not so sure.”

God says “trust me.”  I say “it is so hard.”

The rain clouds today reminded me of God’s intention.

These clouds were full to the brim with rain ready to pour, but never let go.  God is asking me to surrender.  To let go completely and rest assured in His plan.  He doesn’t want me to hold on to everything.  When I surrender, He is able to pour His grace into my areas of weakness (particularly patience and belief).  I do not know where His path is planned for me, but I do know that He has it under control.  Please pray with me for greater trust in the Lord’s plan and absolute surrender for “underneath are the everlasting arms.”

Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray.  

In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice;

in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation. {Psalm 5:2-3}

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2 Responses to Currently

  1. Janette says:

    Riley, I am so, so grateful that I was sitting at my computer when this post came through. I have been praying for you and wondering “has she found anything yet?” but I will increase my prayer for you!!! TRUSTFUL SURRENDER is my phrase. God has been spiritually stretching me for the last few years and this is the phrase that He keeps whispering to me. It is hard, but the journey is worth it and the struggles and surrender will draw you towards heaven and Him. He loves you all the time, even when you gain weight and don’t get the job. He LONGS for you. BE STILL and know that HE IS GOD. Thank you for reaching out so honestly and vulnerably. You continue to be an inspiration to me! {{Hugs and love}}

  2. Momma says:

    Amen.

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